All too often, dealing with money matters within relationships is much like mixing oil and water. The two simply don't mix. Whether we're talking about family members, friends or others close to us, when money concerns enter into the relationship, all too often things turn out badly.
This is especially true when dealing with intimate relationships such as marriage. Issues involving money are presently recognized as leading causes of divorce. (It may also be argued though, that while finances are a significant issue in many breakups, money problems are often symptoms, not necessarily the root cause, of the problems in a relationship. But that's another day and another article.)
Why is money such an issue? I think, two reasons. One, I don't know many people who aren't passionate and opinionated when it comes to money matters, and two, because as crazy as it seems, a great many individuals still fail to thoroughly discuss financial matters before they enter into close personal relationships.
You'd think that we'd be much more willing to discuss an issue that most of us have such strong feelings about, but that's not often the case. We're either too timid to discuss money, too hesitant to bring up what may be a sensitive issue or one that could possibly present some challenges (ya think?), or we're just too naive to realize that things don't magically fall into place simply because we're in love.
Talk About Finances Before Jumping In - For heaven sakes, if you're contemplating spending the rest of your life with someone, don't you think it might be important for you to know more than a little bit about their financial condition? What debts are they bringing into the partnership, and just as importantly, what assets? How does this person feel about money? What are their attitudes about saving, spending, financial planning? Are they experienced in the aspects of money management? What were their parents' attitudes towards money? What examples or modeling did they have in terms of money-related habits? Does money seem to "melt away" in their possession, or do they hold onto every penny like it was the last piece of money on earth? What financial goals do they have? What other goals do you each have that may be dependent on your financial condition?
Getting the answers to these types of questions is not prying, and if the person with whom you're dealing feels that it is, then perhaps you've learned something about them already. These are all extremely important details to discuss with your partner before entering into any type of life-altering stage of a relationship, such as marriage. And if you're contemplating co-habitating with someone without benefit of marriage, it is just as important an issue, if not more so. I cannot stress this point enough. No matter how squeamish or uncomfortable you may feel about discussing finances, do this before you get involved in a situation that will be difficult, at best, to undo if things don't go well.
